The Poodle's Steps to Sales Success

The Poodle apologises for the slight delay in posting – but if you were in Paris you will understand – les SOLDES have begun! And in France that’s headline news – on the metro newspapers at least! The French hold off for their sale fixes until the 6th January so since then the streets have been packed thanks to early morning opening hours...shopping has never been so serious!

Some boutiques have even been offering customers croissants and coffee – so chic, so français – it goes to show just how far the French will go for a January sales bargain – foregoing breakfast would never otherwise happen unless the shops were offering pastries on a plate!



With shopping fever reaching an all time haut (high) this Paris Poodle has been tempted, taunted and teased with shops offering 30%, 40%, 50% off... but as much as I’ve thrusted through the crowds, and lusted at the sale rail, I have stuck to some very important rules (after all in this country sale items are NON exchangeable – impulse buys have no get out clause)!

With promotions partout, and end of line stock slashed in price to a level of bulk buyability, it can get messy... allow me to share with you, the Paris Poodle rules to sale shopping success....

1. Dress accordingly. Simple, easy to enleve (take off) clothing is essential – think shift dress, tights and ballet pumps/boots for a quicker changing room turnaround.

2. Stay focused – sales shopping can be intimidating-ly chaotic – surtout a gay Paris where shopping isn’t just a nice thing to do with friends – it’s actually a way of life! The diehard sale shoppers will get to shops before opening hours to benefit (in theory) from first dibs on the bargain buckets. Don’t bother with buckets and head to the sale rails that have the most variety to choose from.

3. Think twice. Importantly, before buying any item, make sure that you like it – even if you can now afford to get it wrong (now there’s a 50% discount) there’s no point buying that pair of silk hot pants from Kookai just because you can – hold out for a better bargain that’s way more you!

4. Dedicate a day to sales shopping – or maybe 2– it’s a trial that we have to put ourselves through just for the peace of mind that we haven’t missed out – so you’ll need to take a full day to study the sales and get to grips with the discounts at every store.



5. If being selfish is one of your 2010 resolutions or even being more economical, buying pressies for oneself (and for others) during the sales, is the best way to make you feel great about yourself and your bank account – buying bargains now technically means saving loads of money to put towards those Jimmy Choos’ you’ve been fantasising over! It’s a win-win situation.

The Secret Math of the Famous French Figure

It’s a Paris Poodle duty to discover the well kept secrets and rituals that only French women know to render them so irresistibly effortlessly sexy – another of my duties is to find a concrete, semi scientific reason why French women can stay so rakish whilst simultaneously having Europe’s highest baguette count?...

Here are my findings so far...

(0 Gym + 0 work out video) – exertion of any kind = Tiny, toned, slim French Mademoiselles

All across the nation, from Nice to Nantes, French women don’t exercise, they aren’t seen in high numbers jogging in local parks, the Ministry of Sound work out DVDs are frowned upon (perhaps rightly so!), and they certainly don’t go to the gym! Gyms hardly even exist over here and when they do they are painfully expensive and are seen as sweaty work houses – the type of place a jeune fille française or ‘Madame de’ doesn’t belong...

After only a few weeks, already I have been to half the underwear shops in Rue de Rennes, Place d’Italie and Les Gobelins with my effortlessly sex kittenish French flat mates who see underwear window shopping, as normal a past time as running, aerobics or painting ones nails....
This strictly French phenomena of lusting after costly lingerie as a means of relaxation is certainly seductive. Just picturing the female form in various combinations of silk, satin and lace not only makes you feel super feminine and whole heartedly glad that as a member of the female race you can wear such flirtatious clothing, but it also has the added advantage of suppressing the appetite. It has become clear to this Paris Poodle that Lingerie Lust is a national female sport -welcome to the French workout - the typically français way to be fabulously slim!

As I wondered the shelves and rails of Soleil et Sucre, Aubade and Etam, meandering the Parisian streets with my always too heavy, always trop des choses handbag to ‘se detendre’ (unwind) amongst the French knickers and lace bras of the top underwear designers I began to believe that it is the perfect way to stay toned and commit to a low calorie diet so that one can wear such tiny frivolous creations. This regime is best practiced twice a week (with a heavy handbag/small child or some other weight) with a daily half hour round trip to the bakery and back to pick up 2 baguettes – one for ce soir and one for the morning of course!

The Paris Poodle has come to believe that French baguettes have slimming powers – even the tiniest scraps of French ladies insist upon thrice daily portions of bread baguettes with heart stopping quantities of butter! It truly is a marvel. Perhaps I will simply surround myself with lithe French girls until some of their weight gaining defences become mine by the power of osmosis.

So, from these results the Paris Poodle can conclude that; Baguettes + Butter x Lingerie Shopping= Size 0

Although not strictly exercise related, even my little French bathroom has not escaped the French love of les fasses (buttocks). It has been decorated in a haphazard style with various lingerie adverts. As I sit on the loo to ‘faire pipi’ I am affronted by two perfectly peachy arse cheeks and just to my left generous cleavage greets me wearing a lacy creation. Perhaps it’s just my flat mates but I like to think that it’s the French nation that is unashamedly fascinated by the female form, its curves and shapes.

As long as women are women they will competitively try to out slim and out sexify each other. Since arriving here I have had to find new alternative ways to feel my normal taille - in this city my slim size 10 is practically monstrous amongst the size zerolites that inhabit Paris en masse. As a Paris Poodle I have resolved to up my handbag weight by 2 kilos, my baguette intake to 3 a day, my lingerie lusting to 4 times a week and a monthly tour of the Champs Elysees to exercise my credit cards! You should try it too! It’s so much more elegant than the perspiration humiliation of the gym- je t’assure. Vive la France!